Blue Water Ladies…

In the midst of being surrounded by CIM notes, text books, a laptop and papers on my bed, I realised I needed to stretch my legs, and I did just that. I found that my mother had purchased Rs.250 worth of blue water lilies and they were just dumped into the glass vase she borrowed from my room.

I, being the detail freak that I am, couldn’t just let it be like that. All thrown together, no coordination, no oomph oozing out, like all those other beautiful flower arrangements worthy of being splashed on the covers of many Flora & Foliage magazines. No, sir, this little baby needed a makeover, and I was more than willing to give it to her. So, I got to work. Let my fingers do the tweaking, the lining and a lot of other boring things. But, however, I did find out that my flower arranging skills hadn’t left me. They were still loyal to me, as ever before.

After many alterations and a couple of fixes here and there, I was satisfied with the beautiful lilies. My much caressed lilies. I did give it the loving it deserved, and hey I did tell the bunch, that beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder, and boy I sure did behold it.

I returned to my designated study area, i.e. my bed, after the little rendezvous I had with the lovely ladies, I mean lilies. But, then suddenly I started twitching. I needed to capture the beauty of my lovely arrangement. And who else could have helped me with my need to capture them, before they graced and bowed out beautifully, but my trusty point and shoot camera, the Old Girl herself: Olympus C170.  I got to work, again. Behold, go on, take a peek at the lovely things.

Originals are in 2288 x 1712 resolution. 6mm, F/2.8. Shot at ISO-50 in 1/15 sec.

Caverns of our Hearts

Part I can be found here – Tears Over Coffee.

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Part II of Kinship of Spirit

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Christy cried in my arms for a while, while I stroked her soft hair. My gray t-shirt, was now wet, by her salty tears. She cried, hard and then sobbed awhile telling me how sorry she was, over and over again.

With what I sensed to be the final sob, she looked at me, my face. Her eyes were still wet with the tears she had kept secret for two months or so. But, those she shed, with the last few that remained in the relieved but saddened amethyst eyes.

I wiped the tear stains off her face, and kissed her cheeks. First her left, and then her right. “Shhh….. don’t cry…” I said to her. She then kissed me, apprehensively, yet taking control of her emotions, finally. She bruised my lips slightly , but I smiled and didn’t care. Christy was home, in my arms.

I let out an audible sigh, of relief, and then I turned away from her, getting up. But as I did, I turned around, and looked at her, looking at me from her seat on my beige sofa. I gave her my hand, which she took and held onto. I tugged at her arm, and she got up.

“Wait, let me take my shoes off, these shoes are killing me. Tell me why I torture myself with 3 inch heels, God made me short and now I pay for it with excruciating pain…and at least 3,000 rupees “ kidded Christy as she removed her shoes and left it close to her bag.

Tears Over Coffee

Part I of Kinship of Spirit

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The door bell rang. Miths made her way through her apartment’s living area, towards the door, and looked through the peep hole. She saw a familiar head of hair, looking downwards. The curls were slightly visible, she knew who that was. Christy.

She unbolted the door, opened it and held it slighty ajar with her hand on the inside knob. Christy raised her head, at the suddenness of the door opening. She stood there, in her jeans, button down shirt, heels and the over-sized handbag she lugged around with her. She looked as if she’d gotten there in a hurry. She had forgotten to apply her coat of lip gloss, something she always does, though she’d forgotten it now. Miths slowly looked at her watch. It was past 1 o’clock. “Wasn’t she supposed to be at work?”, she thought.

Waking up with Yellow Bird.

There’s something wonderful of having a pet. Not only are they the loyal type if you have a dog, or a cat that thinks its a dog, but they are also the lovable type (yes, the cat who think it’s a dog is the same). The dog who was Zoffy isn’t with us anymore, but there’s a chance that Broonie (who’s currently with our grandparents) will return, and then there’s Yellow Bird the kitty, who’s the reason why I’m posting today.

Yellow Bird refuses to be ignored, and makes a spectacle of himself whenever he pounces on my bed, and makes me pet him. If I attempt to ignore him he will either use my laptop screen, or modem dongle as a scratching post and then sit on my lap and half of the laptop keyboard. I seriously just cannot be mad at him, he’s just too adorably cute.

Now today, this morning that is, I wake up groggy and with a headache, and who do I find next to me curled up in a ball? None other than Mr. Yellow Bird himself. Once again not only is he species-confused, he sometimes is gender-confused as well, but I’ll leave that story for another time. So, there he was next to me, nicely taking my warmth, and I because I thought he looked so cute, took my own sheet and covered him up, and snuggled with him. Petting his head, and making little noises with my throat, stroking his head with my chin, he then he started purring and crooning. And I, crooned right back. There we were crooning to each other, snuggled together nice and tight, and I thought this is unbelievably cute. Yellow Bird and I. In bed, making “meow”-y noises to one another. I just thought I’d share it with you all. I hope this brightens up your day.

Yellow Bird. Cheh. What Chi-ness. I believe this is the rebellious adolescent years showing.Kim Catrall once said “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls… because they can” in Sex and the City. I believe Yellow Bird was proving a point, that cats can too.

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old-Me…

Hey Kiddo

Now first of all, don’t hate me for calling you that, but from where I am standing, you are still a kid to me, but a good kid.

I think you were referring to yourself as Nicky about a year ago, make sure that never resurfaces, because seriously, Nicky is one heck of a lame ass nickname, especially when there are no “N“s in your name whatsoever. So seriously slap yourself a bit, and then settle for a normal nickname like Pav or Pavi, that should work.

Also you are going to go through a lot when you hit 16; First of all, you are never going to have a “Sweet Sixteen”. You know that mother won’t let you, she doesn’t believe in those, and even though you spend ages coming up with ways to have one, give up. You will attend your best friend Tiny’s Sweet Sixteen (it’s nice to share a birthday with someone like her, as crazy as she is), and you will have fun, sort of. At least you saw your friends, and that makes up for everything. Also, be careful when you are near her pond, you might want to avoid falling into it. Remember this.

You will become reclusive, silent, and almost non-existent, you will try to fade into the background and you will wish day and night that you were never born; well I know I still do. But here we are, the deeds done, so no going back right? So, let’s enjoy the ride. Also, leave those pills alone, leave the sharp objects alone, and stop punishing yourself for all the bad things that have happened to you.

What happened in 1998, did change your life and you will shudder and wince at its memory, but with time, (in maybe 10 years) hopefully you will forget, I know I’m still trying to forget. Don’t hold your sister against what happened in ‘98. She was only 3 months old. So, she saw it all, but that doesn’t mean she could have done anything, she was just a toddler, and you shouldn’t be so angry. Yes, I know you are angry, you should be, it wasn’t something that should have ever happened, your trust is broken, and you are now very messed up, but getting mad at your family won’t help. Especially your sister and your mother. You can be mad at Dad; he was an arse to be so insensitive and curt about it all. I still haven’t forgiven him. Watch out for his ways, you guys won’t get along like you used to when you were 8, I don’t think we ever will sadly.

But, back to the anger management, give Munchi a break, she’s after all a kid, and you love kids. She’s spoilt and a brat, yes, but spend more time with her, rather than letting Aunt Geethi fill her head up with nonsense. And, also, cut Mom some slack, make that Titanic. She will soon become your greatest supporter when everyone fails. You will fall, but with her help you will get back on your feet. And quit telling her to understand you. She never will and also, you will never understand her. It’s a lost cause, though I am still trying. AND, keep on being her second in command, her right hand, her greatest supporter, her confidante and most of all her friend. She will need you, so make sure you will be there for her always. Take her side, though Dad will hate you for the rest of your life. She will need you soon, and you will be there for her, period. Capish?

Also, go for counseling. Remember when you went for counseling in school, and you refused to open up. Open up to someone. You need to talk to people about what happened, and all the things that have happened subsequently. If you don’t, you will make stupid decisions, such as TJ. We could have avoided that, if we had talked to someone who actually had some sense. Such as Ruks, she’s a great friend, when you get to my age, she will become one of your best friends. And for heavens sakes, stop listening to that twat called Ungi, she doesn’t care about you, and she never will. When you turn 17 you will find out, the hard way that she was never ever your friend. You will feel that knife and it will be sharp and will cut you deep. Don’t trust her, don’t listen to her, when you see her, I advice you to run as fast as you can.

Don’t be saddened though, in six years time, you will have a close-knit bunch of great friends who you can’t do without. Don’t close yourself off from these friends when you are down and depressed. They will be all you have at many points of your future life. Form a circle of trust, and be cautious about it. You will get hurt a lot along the way, but when you do realise the great people in your life, give them your all because they will mean the world to you, even though they don’t feel the same about you. Its okay, you win some you lose some. Having said that, don’t ever lose the lesson, in whatever you do. And think twice, or thrice, or as many times as you can before making a decision. You can be very rash sometimes Pavi, (I go my Pav now), so be cautious. There’s spontaneous, and then there’s stupid. Yeah, you got me right? Hope so.

Moving on, sure you feel alone now, but what did you expect, you left school when you were 15. 15 Goddamnit! All your old classmates save one are doing their London ALs and the rest of your batch mates are preparing for their OLs. That’s what you get for accelerating your educational process. It was a good call to do the diploma but seriously, somehow convince Mom to let you do your London ALs privately, you won’t regret it, because everyday I regret not doing them, and have gone through 5 years of trying to make up for it, help me out here, save yourself the trouble, and do what your doing and your ALs, you definitely will not regret it.

Also, your mother might have chosen your ambition for you, but that’s going to change soon, with the diploma. You started off wanting to do accounting, but IT beckoned. Stay with IT, forget Accounting, you will start CIMA and never go for class, and end up cutting them so you could spend time with your “First True Love”. Yes, him, your insatiable crush. The one you look at sneakily, taking it his beautiful eyes, yep that one. You will first become friends, best friends, and then realise that he is the one, then. You will go out of your way to be there for him, but that’s just you and no one can change that. I’ll get back to him later. But, regarding CIMA, don’t. Also, don’t start working. Lost cause, if your heart’s not in it, don’t do it. With anything for that matter.

Whilst you are doing TAFE, you are going to land yourself in a classroom full of guys, who are all older than you, but what do you expect when you are only 15 when you start it. Also, they are all going to be bitches to you. Don’t be disheartened, the mild ragging will be a good experience for you, and make you stronger. You are strong already, but you will have times where you will doubt yourself. Don’t EVER doubt yourself. Don’t wimp out. You know you are different, don’t feel bad about it. That makes you unique, so own it. You will take a few years to realise this, but keep it in the back of your mind.

Another thing, don’t listen to losers who tell you that you aren’t good enough. You are. YOU ARE! Keep telling yourself that. Even if it’s your own mother. She might burn your stories, and your books cause she thinks those aren’t educational enough, BUT, you can still do them as hobbies, and who said you’ve got to tell her. You should never ever ditch your likes or your loves. Keep going, keep writing (trust me, keep writing), and Pavi keep dreaming. You still do, and it gives you the chills, the good type.

Back to your First True Love, you will see him walk through the TAFE school doors, with his Nike cap and you will see his eyes from under them, and you will be mesmerized. You will go one year where he will not notice you, but that will not stop you from stealing glances. Once you complete TAFE, you will become friends, and then you will become best friends and eventually fall madly in love for each other. It will be at Onstage ‘04. In the rain. This memory is worth keeping and reminiscing. But, yes there’s a ‘but’, you guys will not have it easy. Mom and Dad will oppose you both, and will put you under house arrest. It will show your perseverance. Use the same perseverance with everything you do. Don’t give up. Okay? And during this time, don’t believe Dad for a second, he will set a trap, and you are going to fall into it, and your already bumpy relationship, will go to hell.

Everything will become a mess, you will hear a lot of rumours about him, but he is confused, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. So don’t turn your back on him, he didn’t know any better, and you should give him at least one more chance, Turning your back on him will leave both of you messed up. Turning my back on him then was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve done, and after all we went through together, we deserve at least friendship. So, remember that when shit hits the ceiling. He is your friend, and he will be for life. So, when you part ways, part friends, and yes you will part ways. You guys might have believed that you are soul mates. Sigh, we were so naive when we were teenagers. You will stop being naive, eventually.

Be single after him; don’t listen to anyone who gives you an ultimatum and anyone who screws with your mind. Professional mind fucks are alright, but everything else, not so much. Your personal life is your own, and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, especially when you mull over decisions without acting rashly. Also, whoever wants to be in your life should understand and respect your wishes and most importantly you. So, remember that. Don’t lose your head, because you lost the man you loved. Don’t let people push you into things that you don’t want to do. Learn to say NO. Seriously, hold your horses, you know you’re an extremist, hold it, and don’t be rash. You will save yourself 3 years worth of torture.

A couple of years after your First True Love, you will meet a man who you will not fall in love at first sight or the equivalent nowadays, but with time, you will form a bond with him that takes you places that you’ve never been before and you will fall, hard. He will most probably be the man you’ve loved unselfishly, and unknowingly, and you will know when you feel your heart being ripped out of your chest when you think of him and miss him, that you do, sincerely love him. You will, at many times, wish you didn’t love him so, but you do, and you should be glad. It’s a wonderful and yet painful feeling, own it, it’ll be yours. Also, you will have your heart broken, no make that shattered. But, yes there’s a ‘but’, you will stand up and you will get back up on your feet and do what you always do, persevere. So, don’t be disheartened, you will have many memories, and hopefully he will also be friends with you like your First True Love has become to you. There’s always hope Pavi, so don’t give up the fight. And, you might attempt to swing for the other team, but that’s already on your mind anyway, you were always an open minded girl, I am very proud of that.

The depression will taunt you along with the misery in your life; you’ve got to take those with stride. “Illegitimi non carborundum“. Don’t let the bastards get you down. Because, there will be many. You will never be understood, save for a handful of very open-minded people, who you will adore. And do I mean it when I say adore.

So, Pavi, to wrap up this boring lecture to you from an older and hopefully wiser you, don’t give up, don’t lose hope and yes don’t stop dreaming. Reach for the stars, like Mom says, reach for the stars and you could very well land on those bouncy clouds. Love, like you always have, live, as you’ve always have, with smile on your face and see the good in everyone, and be nice to people. Because, that’s rare. Also, don’t forget to donate blood as much as you can. And think before you leap. Seriously.

Also, love your friends they are your extended family. But you already know that, don’t you? And hey, you came out pretty decent, considering the circumstances.

See you in 6 years, and darling, Chin Up. You’re a good kid.

Love,

Pav

P.S: Keep Smiling…

P.P.S: Wrap your arms around you, and hug yourself  *HUG*

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I was tagged by The Unsilent… Thank you and I adore you

I’ll be tagging  four lovely people (I’m following Sabby’s tagging trend) and hereby tag Dili, Dark Angel, The End and GG Purple…

More on Love…

Upon reading Ameena Hussein’s latest work of literature “The Moon in the Water”, I found myself pondering on this very matter of love as she had masterfully intertwined it in various measures, instances and of course forms. It was then I dabbled in prose trying to determine my own rendition of it.

“What is love? I asked myself, if not a fleeting emotion, that we mere mortals have come to name. A four letter word, if nothing more, how can we define the way we feel about one another? How can we define the way we are with one another? Is it physical? Is it really emotional? Is it lust or is it care? We know not really, for we ourselves render what love means to us. We ourselves render the bond, the relation, the link we hold with our hands, with our hearts, with the ones we cherish days in and days out. Whether its the person you think about each morn or night, whether it is the one your heart breaks to remind, whether it is the one who makes your eyes pore with life, that is what love is to you and cherishing that moment, you will find love, in all its glory, nothing better than in that moment you will find.”

Love is…

1. … my grandmother and grandfather. 
2. … HUGS. The Warm, Soft, Fluffy, Long Kind.
3. … the feeling you get when you see a close friend you haven’t seen in a while
4. … the shriek that is followed by that feeling when you meet with them
5. … running towards each other like one of those corny Hindi movies from the 70s or 80s, following shriek.
6. … being lifted up by a darling friend, and twirled 360 degrees on the beach at 2 in the morning
7. … walking miles in the company of great friends, the aching muscles and tiredness the next day is worth every minute of it
8. … looking into his eyes, and letting it speak for you.
9. … hugging someone that special way, knowing that a  hug will comfort them to no ends.
10. … being held, because sometimes all we need is that, especially to save ourselves. 
11. … saving a little birdy from being slaughtered by cats and letting it fly after rubbing its head awhile
12. … Zoffy.
13. … Phoenix.
14. … cart wheeling at Independence Square.
15. … having a “Sandwich Factory” dinner at Independence Square
16. … doing a  TING (my girls would know *wink)
17. … seeing one of your batch mates married off. To a really nice man.
18. … the beach
19. … the sea
20. … lovely hairbands
21. … Boleros
22. … jeans. the low boot and skinny kind.
23. … dancing the night away. With one heck of a great friend.
24. … street racing down Galle Road at 2a.m.
25. … my birthday week. surprises and all. OMG You GUYS!
26. … my special leaf. Lots of love in that.
27. … when you find that thing you’ve lost
28. … smelling my hair
29. … being high on life
30. … being high on coffee, sugar and RedBull
31. … photography.
32. … lying in each others arms.
33. … smiling with your eyes
34. … independence
35. … walking around town, just because you can.
36. … doggies
37. … also kitties.
38. … coffee.
39. … pigging out on Black Forest Cake with your mates, and eating every last bit of it.
40. … the insane Lunch Room times.
41. … the Taj car park session at the onstage 2nd prellies ‘08 with RealSkullZero, A, M and Nils. 
42. … Dancing for no apparent reason, to the dorkiest song on earth.
43. … water fights.
44. … pillow fights.
45. … holding his pinky finger, the way a new born baby would for the first time. 
46. … babies.
47. … security.
48. … driving with an awesome friend who is also a super cool driver. 
49. … being rescued by said friend in the middle of the night after losing my head and going the wrong way.
50. … PURPLE.
51. … Jensen Ackles.
52. … second chances. 
53. … being there for them no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!
54. … that day in June. 
55. … kisses on the forehead. 
56. … holding your hand.
57. … not letting any object break that invisible bond as you walk side by side
58. … talking on the phone for hours, not realising the time
59. … that look in your eyes.
60. … spending ages making cards and gifts.
61. … window shopping with the girls. never buying anything.
62. … great fan fiction. Sarah Rees Brennan FTW.
63. … is Dreaming. Like James Dean said. Dream as if you’ll live forever; Live as if you’ll die today. 
64. … Friendship.
65. … Happiness.
66. … Knowing that Mother loves me. 
67. … The Hikka Pact.

I was tagged by dearest Dili.

I hereby tag – The Unsilent,  The End, Dark Angel, The Womanist, St. Fallen, Chavie and Black.

Afternote : I know this is extremely long.  Thousand apologies.

Rendezvous

This I dedicate to The Unsilent.  He continues to be one hell of a great friend and has touched my life in many ways. This is for you.

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Droplets of water fell heavier onto the earth from the clouds above. The more it rained the more the night grew darker, longer and more silent. They made their way home, to her house in the downpour. Sadly, the rain didn’t aid her in her state of confusion and his of silence. There, they sat, in their predefined places of seating, she on the left, and he on the right. Her hands lay on her lap and while his right hand was on the wheel and the other had made its permanent abode for the journey on the gear shift. He always preferred it that way, and she didn’t mind it. She had always found his form of driving exciting, there was something quite enthralling about it.

The Hikka Pact

Whilst strolling down Hikkaduwa Beach, Dark Angel and I realised a lot of things. Great place for epiphanies I tell you. So, she came up with a pact. 

Pacts come and go. But there are those that stick, and yes this is one of them. It’s not defined by time or boundaries but just the sheer need to want it. And what we are striving for is simple; Happiness.

And we intend on doing so by indulging in a couple of principles.

Live for the moment.

No turning back, no regrets. 

Taking a risk and fighting for what you believe in.

Know that consequences will be persist, but to take risks knowing that you will come out okay.

Feeling a sense of achievement, that you have actually done something for your self worth.

Knowing you can.

Nothing will get in our way.

Most importantly, Not giving up. 

So, yeah the pact is on

 

 

By CanisArctus

Starry Sunday

I was lucky enough to meet a really great friend, who in the last couple of months has been there constantly for me and been an absolute darling.  I hope I can be as great a friend to you as you are to me.

Thanks Dili, for everything, along with helping me with this when I needed advice.

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She lay alone, on her sofa, in anxiety. Her mind was absorbed with a million things, a million possibilities, a million thoughts. Ravaging all the happiness of her solace, the devil was playing tricks on her and finally she succumbed to her evil thoughts. She had tried so hard in the time that had elapsed, to become what they perceived her to be. Normal, thoughtful and and smile away, like she always had been, before the world turn black again. But with recent events, that had become too hard, too cumbersome. She had given in to the evil that was spreading in her, the darkness that made her desolate. Depression had caught on, and she let go, completely. With all these transformations, what she missed was her smile and the way her eyes twinkled. The last month had been tough, tougher than her childhood. Her childhood had taught her many things, one was the art of deception, and how not to let her feelings show to the world. But then she faltered, to a man she believed she loved.