Standing, along a blue wall, that’s speckled with water bubbles patiently fighting to burst out through the plaster beneath the cool shade, there we stand face to face, looking through each other as we were mere ethereal personas, standing still against time. And I stand there looking at the wonder of those brown bright orbs that mirrors your emotion and mine combined yet each with a story to tell but one that will not be spoken yet transcended through vibes and aura so strong that it sets my hair on end. Holding me close, noses touching one another, we stare right through the galaxies of our corneas. Eye lash grazing, sending tingles down my being, shocking the caverns and their beasts who are now awakened and fumbling towards the light. Your lips tremble as mine does with yearning, its a longing that beats against my heart as loud as a beating drum heard down in tribes far away.
And we meet, like waves crashing against one another, mighty and strong, overflowing as our lips make contact over and over, in unison to the rhythm of the current that sweeps through an open door, as your hot tongue greets mine like an old friend, shaking hands and saying “how do you do, I’ve been expecting you for quite some time and I’m sure glad that you have arrived“. Maybe not friends, but lovers brought from friendship and understanding so strong, that it governs the mighty waves of thought into tsunamis that can break down those very walls I had constructed brick by brick against possible and probably hurt and hate with cynicism as twisted as a tangled braid. But you tore those down, like the Berlin Wall and you made a change, you changed my world.
The lines of my hand met yours as if they knew because fate had etched them on our palms a long time ago and now you and I, we’ve been found. Every graze, every touch sends tingles to every corner of my being, awakening them and as your kisses sends warmth searing through to my heart, I feel jolts of heat pass through you into me and explode into a beauteous array of fireworks only my inner being can pay witness to, and you, yes you are the reason why every inch feels as if its in a caffeine induced coma, one that makes you spring to life against the misery which lies solid, un-moving in a corner. You are the reason, for my being, for constantly moving forward through the blizzard. You are my strength, my heart and soul, you are the spirit that runs through my veins, giving me life. And I, I love you, with every heartstring calling out your name.
I dedicated and gifted this piece of writing to Thar for his birthday, and I have been waiting for the right time to post this online, and I think it’s time. Happy 17 Months, YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF MY LIFE.
I had a chat with Bestie’s little sister. She and I were always great friends. Sweet kid, I always had a soft spot for the little darling. I was able to talk to her last year when many didn’t understand why I liked the man I was head over heels in love with. I don’t know why anymore myself.
She understood why I needed to be friends with him, even after he moved on to another. She told me that people with ADD sometimes moved on quicker than usual, and were at times quite tough relationship wise.
But I was stubborn, I wanted to help him, even if it meant I was helping him be with “her“.I still remember him telling me “but Pav, I love her“. I wanted to fight for him, fight for us, and fight for what he wanted, which was “her“. In a way I’m still fighting, but with the memories of last year. But that’s in the past now, I’m looking towards the present. Moving on.
The little girl I knew has grown up, and I’m so proud of her. Going through a similar relationship wall, much like I did, she’s acted so maturely and I have never been more proud of her. Mourning her love, she put aside her emotions and went on with life. She literally got up, brushed herself off, and decided to go through life head held high. She’s truly a beautiful person, and whoever is deserving enough to be in her life, will truly be one lucky fella. And I’m truly lucky to have a friend like you.
You’re a good kid and I love you!
I recalled a chat I had with a friend I refer to as Indie. So, Indie was telling me that she was going nuts. And the following ensued.
Me: Don’t drive yourself insane. I need my Indieness. Come for a hug. =)
Indie: Your “Indieness” is still here.
Me: I be very happy. =D
Indie: You’re adorable!
Me: Come let’s be happy. Lets hold hands and go skipping down a hill. Pick daisies…
Indie: Ooh love daisies!
Me: Make very girly daisy garlands and head thingies, and be all prettied…
Indie: I would like a looooooooooong summer dress to go with the whole thing.
Me: … and make friends with the pixies and the fairies and then they’ll let us into the secret Sisterhood of the Magical Forest. And then, we can be all-knowing magical creatures. I want purple wings and purply highlights in my hair. What do you want Indie? Everyone gets wings and highlights. It’s Free Wings and Highlights Day!
Indie: I don’t know what I want though.
Me: Well, you can go all Indie chick. Indie fairies Rock!
Indie: I bet they do.
Me: They do, they do. A little fairy bug told me. Oh we get fairy bugs too! Fairy bugs are like doggies. I want a cocky spannielly bug. I shall name him Cookie =)
Indie: You are on a roll today aren’t you?
Me: Yep. Come =)
Indie: I guess its good. Than to seethe in anger. Is it Seeth or Seethe? I’m losing my language.
Me: Seethe? I can’t think straight. I seethe?
Indie : I soothe? You are soothing.
Me: Soothe? I am? *Scratches head*
Indie: Oh god, it’s losing it meaning.
Me: Nooooo! Soothing come back. Sooothing noooo….!!! *runs after Soothing* Where’s my butterfly net? It comes handy in such times like this *Jumps up*.
Indie: You’re crazy Pavi!
Me: *jumps up again* Gotchya! *hands soothing back to Indie* =) We be friends yes?
Indie: Yes we are! =)
I have had one of those days you know, where you tend to look out into horizon and see a crow flying right at you, and all you can do is freeze there, cross-eyed as it comes straight at you and BAM, you’re left with a beak imprint, like a stamp saying “you’ve been Crow’d b*tch“, you know, like in “Punk’d”.
It started from last night, when I had a long chat with my cousin before heading out to bed, OR maybe even from the night before when I had a rather long chat with my pseudo-brother.
There are moments where you feel like you’re frozen in time.
On the last day of the year, I have come face to face with that moment. Some people say that when you die, you see your life flash before your eyes. In this instance, since the time I woke, the last year, month by month, moment by moment, has flashed before me.
Whilst gobbling down the Christmas cake my dear cousin had sent us, I write this, while reminiscing the good and the bad of this year. Mostly bad, but there’s a silver lining in everything. Most of the lining (as normal lining always is) was hidden and the most recent, obviously came really late. But here’s another cliché for you, better late than never eh? Okay, I’m done with the corny clichés, or am I?
So this year was a tough one, but I’m over it.
It was hard to do, but I let go of my past. I’ve embraced new people, had my heart broken (I will always stand by what I said – we were better friends than lovers), met some great people as well as one that has my heart, and I’m on my way to better health and a better future.
So, all in all, I wanna say Goodbye and Good Riddance Year 2009, 2010 is gonna kick ass.
Bring out the Bubbly people. See what I did there? No? Darn it, I’ve been watching too much How I Met Your Mother.
Have a great New Years folks. Cheers.
I leave you with a poem by Conventry Patmore;
With all my will, but much against my heart,
We two now part.
My Very Dear,
Our solace is, the sad road lies so clear.
It needs no art,
With faint, averted feet
And many a tear,
In our opposèd paths to persevere.
Go thou to East, I West.
We will not say
There ‘s any hope, it is so far away.
But, O, my Best,
When the one darling of our widowhead,
The nursling Grief,
And no dews blur our eyes
To see the peach-bloom come in evening skies,
Perchance we may,
Where now this night is day,
And even through faith of still averted feet,
Making full circle of our banishment,
The bitter journey to the bourne so sweet
Seasoning the termless feast of our content
With tears of recognition never dry.