Standing, along a blue wall, that’s speckled with water bubbles patiently fighting to burst out through the plaster beneath the cool shade, there we stand face to face, looking through each other as we were mere ethereal personas, standing still against time. And I stand there looking at the wonder of those brown bright orbs that mirrors your emotion and mine combined yet each with a story to tell but one that will not be spoken yet transcended through vibes and aura so strong that it sets my hair on end. Holding me close, noses touching one another, we stare right through the galaxies of our corneas. Eye lash grazing, sending tingles down my being, shocking the caverns and their beasts who are now awakened and fumbling towards the light. Your lips tremble as mine does with yearning, its a longing that beats against my heart as loud as a beating drum heard down in tribes far away.
And we meet, like waves crashing against one another, mighty and strong, overflowing as our lips make contact over and over, in unison to the rhythm of the current that sweeps through an open door, as your hot tongue greets mine like an old friend, shaking hands and saying “how do you do, I’ve been expecting you for quite some time and I’m sure glad that you have arrived“. Maybe not friends, but lovers brought from friendship and understanding so strong, that it governs the mighty waves of thought into tsunamis that can break down those very walls I had constructed brick by brick against possible and probably hurt and hate with cynicism as twisted as a tangled braid. But you tore those down, like the Berlin Wall and you made a change, you changed my world.
The lines of my hand met yours as if they knew because fate had etched them on our palms a long time ago and now you and I, we’ve been found. Every graze, every touch sends tingles to every corner of my being, awakening them and as your kisses sends warmth searing through to my heart, I feel jolts of heat pass through you into me and explode into a beauteous array of fireworks only my inner being can pay witness to, and you, yes you are the reason why every inch feels as if its in a caffeine induced coma, one that makes you spring to life against the misery which lies solid, un-moving in a corner. You are the reason, for my being, for constantly moving forward through the blizzard. You are my strength, my heart and soul, you are the spirit that runs through my veins, giving me life. And I, I love you, with every heartstring calling out your name.
I dedicated and gifted this piece of writing to Thar for his birthday, and I have been waiting for the right time to post this online, and I think it’s time. Happy 17 Months, YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF MY LIFE.
There are days that all I want to do is work, work, and work some more, because frankly, all I really want to do is be busy, and stay busy and not really deal with the woes of my mind, my heart (well maybe not my heart, because it’s a party and then some with my Thar), and surroundings. The surrounding woes my mind, and that brings me down, like a house of cards. Today wasn’t such a day, and my mind is constantly being weighed down by all the thoughts that run through my head, where I have come to point I can’t speak. I simply cannot put a sentence together, because the voices in my head (I have 7 and they have names – Pav (the dominant personality), Portia, Piper, Page, Penelope, Prudence and Phoebe) are always speaking to each other, either ranting, conversing or simply consoling (which seem to be occurring more and more as of late). Anyways, whatever it is, it has affected me to the point where I zip and go on lock-down, and if I am in company, all I can do is listen (pretend or try extremely hard to listen (because let’s face it, when you’re listening to 7 voices in your head, do you really thing and 8th or even 9th voice coming through my ear drums will get past? I didn’t think so!)). I spaced out a few times during social gatherings and this is normally with my Thar’s friends because it normally happens in the nights. At most of the time, I really do try to listen but like I said, as of late, something has taken over me and I just can’t seem to figure out why it’s affecting my vocal cords, my thinking processes and why when I do open my mouth to say something, a)my speech dyslexia makes a comeback b)my pronunciation ends up being butchered and c) my vocabulary has gone on hiatus. It’s not pretty and I don’t enjoy it, because I am at times a perfectionist (and stubborn to boot) and when things don’t go my way or something hasn’t been done in the proper way, I sometimes get royally annoyed (even if it is with myself – yes, I am too hard on myself, but do people ever learn unless they are hard on themselves?).
So the last 24 hours have been somewhat of a roller-coaster.
The ones that start really well, anticipation building up when you slowly but definitely get to the top of the first steep plunge of the ride. Yes, well after the plunge, your senses go on overdrive and while screaming “OMFCG Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and then reverting to “OMG GET ME OUT OF HERE” and then finally settling “THAT WAS AWESOME, I can’t feel my legs”. Well, I think feeling has come back to my legs by now. Thanks, shall we proceed? Yes? Jolly Good!
I had a chat with Bestie’s little sister. She and I were always great friends. Sweet kid, I always had a soft spot for the little darling. I was able to talk to her last year when many didn’t understand why I liked the man I was head over heels in love with. I don’t know why anymore myself.
She understood why I needed to be friends with him, even after he moved on to another. She told me that people with ADD sometimes moved on quicker than usual, and were at times quite tough relationship wise.
But I was stubborn, I wanted to help him, even if it meant I was helping him be with “her“.I still remember him telling me “but Pav, I love her“. I wanted to fight for him, fight for us, and fight for what he wanted, which was “her“. In a way I’m still fighting, but with the memories of last year. But that’s in the past now, I’m looking towards the present. Moving on.
The little girl I knew has grown up, and I’m so proud of her. Going through a similar relationship wall, much like I did, she’s acted so maturely and I have never been more proud of her. Mourning her love, she put aside her emotions and went on with life. She literally got up, brushed herself off, and decided to go through life head held high. She’s truly a beautiful person, and whoever is deserving enough to be in her life, will truly be one lucky fella. And I’m truly lucky to have a friend like you.
You’re a good kid and I love you!
I recalled a chat I had with a friend I refer to as Indie. So, Indie was telling me that she was going nuts. And the following ensued.
Me: Don’t drive yourself insane. I need my Indieness. Come for a hug. =)
Indie: Your “Indieness” is still here.
Me: I be very happy. =D
Indie: You’re adorable!
Me: Come let’s be happy. Lets hold hands and go skipping down a hill. Pick daisies…
Indie: Ooh love daisies!
Me: Make very girly daisy garlands and head thingies, and be all prettied…
Indie: I would like a looooooooooong summer dress to go with the whole thing.
Me: … and make friends with the pixies and the fairies and then they’ll let us into the secret Sisterhood of the Magical Forest. And then, we can be all-knowing magical creatures. I want purple wings and purply highlights in my hair. What do you want Indie? Everyone gets wings and highlights. It’s Free Wings and Highlights Day!
Indie: I don’t know what I want though.
Me: Well, you can go all Indie chick. Indie fairies Rock!
Indie: I bet they do.
Me: They do, they do. A little fairy bug told me. Oh we get fairy bugs too! Fairy bugs are like doggies. I want a cocky spannielly bug. I shall name him Cookie =)
Indie: You are on a roll today aren’t you?
Me: Yep. Come =)
Indie: I guess its good. Than to seethe in anger. Is it Seeth or Seethe? I’m losing my language.
Me: Seethe? I can’t think straight. I seethe?
Indie : I soothe? You are soothing.
Me: Soothe? I am? *Scratches head*
Indie: Oh god, it’s losing it meaning.
Me: Nooooo! Soothing come back. Sooothing noooo….!!! *runs after Soothing* Where’s my butterfly net? It comes handy in such times like this *Jumps up*.
Indie: You’re crazy Pavi!
Me: *jumps up again* Gotchya! *hands soothing back to Indie* =) We be friends yes?
Indie: Yes we are! =)
I have had one of those days you know, where you tend to look out into horizon and see a crow flying right at you, and all you can do is freeze there, cross-eyed as it comes straight at you and BAM, you’re left with a beak imprint, like a stamp saying “you’ve been Crow’d b*tch“, you know, like in “Punk’d”.
It started from last night, when I had a long chat with my cousin before heading out to bed, OR maybe even from the night before when I had a rather long chat with my pseudo-brother.
There are moments where you feel like you’re frozen in time.
On the last day of the year, I have come face to face with that moment. Some people say that when you die, you see your life flash before your eyes. In this instance, since the time I woke, the last year, month by month, moment by moment, has flashed before me.
Whilst gobbling down the Christmas cake my dear cousin had sent us, I write this, while reminiscing the good and the bad of this year. Mostly bad, but there’s a silver lining in everything. Most of the lining (as normal lining always is) was hidden and the most recent, obviously came really late. But here’s another cliché for you, better late than never eh? Okay, I’m done with the corny clichés, or am I?
So this year was a tough one, but I’m over it.
It was hard to do, but I let go of my past. I’ve embraced new people, had my heart broken (I will always stand by what I said – we were better friends than lovers), met some great people as well as one that has my heart, and I’m on my way to better health and a better future.
So, all in all, I wanna say Goodbye and Good Riddance Year 2009, 2010 is gonna kick ass.
Bring out the Bubbly people. See what I did there? No? Darn it, I’ve been watching too much How I Met Your Mother.
Have a great New Years folks. Cheers.
I leave you with a poem by Conventry Patmore;
With all my will, but much against my heart,
We two now part.
My Very Dear,
Our solace is, the sad road lies so clear.
It needs no art,
With faint, averted feet
And many a tear,
In our opposèd paths to persevere.
Go thou to East, I West.
We will not say
There ‘s any hope, it is so far away.
But, O, my Best,
When the one darling of our widowhead,
The nursling Grief,
And no dews blur our eyes
To see the peach-bloom come in evening skies,
Perchance we may,
Where now this night is day,
And even through faith of still averted feet,
Making full circle of our banishment,
The bitter journey to the bourne so sweet
Seasoning the termless feast of our content
With tears of recognition never dry.
A beautiful capture of the Central London skyline by Dininda Paranahewa. Take in the London Eye, Big Ben as well as the Old Parliament, along with the marvellous colours in its midst.
Part I of Kinship of Spirit
The door bell rang. Miths made her way through her apartment’s living area, towards the door, and looked through the peep hole. She saw a familiar head of hair, looking downwards. The curls were slightly visible, she knew who that was. Christy.
She unbolted the door, opened it and held it slighty ajar with her hand on the inside knob. Christy raised her head, at the suddenness of the door opening. She stood there, in her jeans, button down shirt, heels and the over-sized handbag she lugged around with her. She looked as if she’d gotten there in a hurry. She had forgotten to apply her coat of lip gloss, something she always does, though she’d forgotten it now. Miths slowly looked at her watch. It was past 1 o’clock. “Wasn’t she supposed to be at work?”, she thought.
- … my grandmother and grandfather.
- … HUGS. The Warm, Soft, Fluffy, Long Kind.
- … the feeling you get when you see a close friend you haven’t seen in a while
- … the shriek that is followed by that feeling when you meet with them
- … running towards each other like one of those corny Hindi movies from the 70s or 80s, following shriek.
- … being lifted up by a darling friend, and twirled 360 degrees on the beach at 2 in the morning
- … walking miles in the company of great friends, the aching muscles and tiredness the next day is worth every minute of it
- … looking into his eyes, and letting it speak for you.
- … hugging someone that special way, knowing that a hug will comfort them to no ends.
- … being held, because sometimes all we need is that, especially to save ourselves.
- … saving a little birdy from being slaughtered by cats and letting it fly after rubbing its head awhile
- … Zoffy.
- … Phoenix.
- … cart wheeling at Independence Square.
- … having a “Sandwich Factory” dinner at Independence Square
- … doing a TING (my girls would know *wink)
- … seeing one of your batch mates married off. To a really nice man.
- … the beach
- … the sea
- … lovely hairbands
- … Boleros
- … jeans. the low boot and skinny kind.
- … dancing the night away. With one heck of a great friend.
- … street racing down Galle Road at 2a.m.
- … my birthday week. surprises and all. OMG You GUYS!
- … my special leaf. Lots of love in that.
- … when you find that thing you’ve lost
- … smelling my hair
- … being high on life
- … being high on coffee, sugar and RedBull
- … photography.
- … lying in each others arms.
- … smiling with your eyes
- … independence
- … walking around town, just because you can.
- … doggies
- … also kitties.
- … coffee.
- … pigging out on Black Forest Cake with your mates, and eating every last bit of it.
- … the insane Lunch Room times.
- … the Taj car park session at the onstage 2nd prellies ’08 with RealSkullZero, A, M and Nils.
- … Dancing for no apparent reason, to the dorkiest song on earth.
- … water fights.
- … pillow fights.
- … holding his pinky finger, the way a new born baby would for the first time.
- … babies.
- … security.
- … driving with an awesome friend who is also a super cool driver.
- … being rescued by said friend in the middle of the night after losing my head and going the wrong way.
- … PURPLE.
- … Jensen Ackles.
- … second chances.
- … being there for them no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!
- … that day in June.
- … kisses on the forehead.
- … holding your hand.
- … not letting any object break that invisible bond as you walk side by side
- … talking on the phone for hours, not realising the time
- … that look in your eyes.
- … spending ages making cards and gifts.
- … window shopping with the girls. never buying anything.
- … great fan fiction. Sarah Rees Brennan FTW.
- … is Dreaming. Like James Dean said. Dream as if you’ll live forever; Live as if you’ll die today.
- … Friendship.
- … Happiness.
- … Knowing that Mother loves me.
- … The Hikka Pact.
I was tagged by dearest Dili.
Afternote : I know this is extremely long. Thousand apologies.
Today I bring you a quote from one of my favourite authors
“Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.”
Jane Austen (1775 – 1817) [ In her novel – Northanger Abbey]
As she watched him from afar, she could only think about how those strong and beautiful hands held her tight, how the sheer touch sent sensations through her body and resting themselves in the corners of her body.
She smiled to herself as she saw him furrow his brows in deep concentration as he talked on the phone, the way he rested his hands on his hips when in annoyance only to relieve them instantaneously in a gesture similiar to that of trying to prove something of credibility to the invisible person in front of him as he whispered audibly about that seemed to have made him furious with rage and frustration.
As he hung up on the caller, he rudely made his way through the people across the hall towards her. While she watched his approaching figure, she let her fingers run through her hair, and went back to the books that lay in front of her.
You might ponder on the fact that life is made out of swans and butterflies, but in true realism, it is nothing but the emotions brought onto the world through the heart and the cravings of a body, it’s mind and at times it’s soul.
As you attempt to grasp the walls as you feel your body tremble against a slight tremor, you might feel the ground shake when you are intoxicated with pure orgasmic emotions, toppling to unfold all your senses and let it flow through you, ending the debacle with a sharp intake of breath and feeling of bedazzlement and utter satisfaction.