A little piece of mind, maybe?
Is it wrong to want to be assertive, to stop people walking all over me and leaving me a mess on the floor? I don’t think so.
Last year taught me many things; one was that if someone in your life takes what you are and turns you into something that makes you doubt yourself, then that said person isn’t worth the trouble nor the effort. If they continuously blame you for their misgivings, and how they can’t overcome their own issues but would rather point fingers into your direction and tear into who you are, then it’s definitely not worth it. I learnt it the hard way, and I learnt it good.
Last year I said goodbye to many people, two friends who are now in heaven and some who still walk the earth. The latter I had to bid them goodbye because it was harder and harder to have conversations with them, let alone get a word in sideways. So I let go, I cut ties and I moved on. Some I didn’t give fair warning but merely a few words that said ‘I can’t handle this‘ and some I just chose the ‘ignorance is bliss‘ route. Does that make me a bad person to for at least once in my life crave some self-preservation, then so be it.
Last year, I chose myself, and frankly I’m not really sorry. But having said that, I should also give thanks for those who were part of my life and leading me into who I am now, otherwise I wouldn’t have learnt so many lessons in life. Without them I don’t think I would have been pushed to say “No, no more, this has to stop“. Do I miss the people who I let go? Maybe a little. I suppose I miss the good times, but when the sour surpasses the sweet, I’d rather turn away than experience the bitterness of what I went through. But thank you, for making me not want to reach out more than I used to. I now know that kindness isn’t always something that people take too kindly to as some resort to abuse it and take it for granted and is often misunderstood for its intentions. With that experience I drew closer to the people who supported me without wanting to slit my wrists, and I’m happy, with the little piece of mind I have. Isn’t that what people anyway want, a little piece of mind. It’s not too much to ask for is it?
Last year, is so … yesteryear and I’m looking for the eerie silence after a tyrannous storm.
It’s a bit sad that people who you are supposed to be close to (ergo, kindness is a given) actually make it a point to LIST all the kind things they have done for you.
Monkeys praising their own tails much?
July 20, 2010 at 11:52 pm
Yeah, I just couldn’t deal with all of that when I myself was going through so much. I mean, if you’re a friend, especially a close one, you’d think they’d get it yeah? =/
Sigh, I’m so blessed to have you as my wifey ❤
July 21, 2010 at 12:02 am
Oh, almost forgot…
I love you! 🙂
July 21, 2010 at 12:00 am
July 21, 2010 at 11:11 am
July 21, 2010 at 12:43 pm
sometimes to have your peace of mind u will have to munch in the piece of bitter mud of reality and that’s- to move the life on.
July 21, 2010 at 6:15 pm