One of those days
There are days that all I want to do is work, work, and work some more, because frankly, all I really want to do is be busy, and stay busy and not really deal with the woes of my mind, my heart (well maybe not my heart, because it’s a party and then some with my Thar), and surroundings. The surrounding woes my mind, and that brings me down, like a house of cards. Today wasn’t such a day, and my mind is constantly being weighed down by all the thoughts that run through my head, where I have come to point I can’t speak. I simply cannot put a sentence together, because the voices in my head (I have 7 and they have names – Pav (the dominant personality), Portia, Piper, Page, Penelope, Prudence and Phoebe) are always speaking to each other, either ranting, conversing or simply consoling (which seem to be occurring more and more as of late). Anyways, whatever it is, it has affected me to the point where I zip and go on lock-down, and if I am in company, all I can do is listen (pretend or try extremely hard to listen (because let’s face it, when you’re listening to 7 voices in your head, do you really thing and 8th or even 9th voice coming through my ear drums will get past? I didn’t think so!)). I spaced out a few times during social gatherings and this is normally with my Thar’s friends because it normally happens in the nights. At most of the time, I really do try to listen but like I said, as of late, something has taken over me and I just can’t seem to figure out why it’s affecting my vocal cords, my thinking processes and why when I do open my mouth to say something, a)my speech dyslexia makes a comeback b)my pronunciation ends up being butchered and c) my vocabulary has gone on hiatus. It’s not pretty and I don’t enjoy it, because I am at times a perfectionist (and stubborn to boot) and when things don’t go my way or something hasn’t been done in the proper way, I sometimes get royally annoyed (even if it is with myself – yes, I am too hard on myself, but do people ever learn unless they are hard on themselves?).
A little piece of mind, maybe?
Is it wrong to want to be assertive, to stop people walking all over me and leaving me a mess on the floor? I don’t think so.
Last year taught me many things; one was that if someone in your life takes what you are and turns you into something that makes you doubt yourself, then that said person isn’t worth the trouble nor the effort. If they continuously blame you for their misgivings, and how they can’t overcome their own issues but would rather point fingers into your direction and tear into who you are, then it’s definitely not worth it. I learnt it the hard way, and I learnt it good.
Last year I said goodbye to many people, two friends who are now in heaven and some who still walk the earth. The latter I had to bid them goodbye because it was harder and harder to have conversations with them, let alone get a word in sideways. So I let go, I cut ties and I moved on. Some I didn’t give fair warning but merely a few words that said ‘I can’t handle this‘ and some I just chose the ‘ignorance is bliss‘ route. Does that make me a bad person to for at least once in my life crave some self-preservation, then so be it.
Last year, I chose myself, and frankly I’m not really sorry. But having said that, I should also give thanks for those who were part of my life and leading me into who I am now, otherwise I wouldn’t have learnt so many lessons in life. Without them I don’t think I would have been pushed to say “No, no more, this has to stop“. Do I miss the people who I let go? Maybe a little. I suppose I miss the good times, but when the sour surpasses the sweet, I’d rather turn away than experience the bitterness of what I went through. But thank you, for making me not want to reach out more than I used to. I now know that kindness isn’t always something that people take too kindly to as some resort to abuse it and take it for granted and is often misunderstood for its intentions. With that experience I drew closer to the people who supported me without wanting to slit my wrists, and I’m happy, with the little piece of mind I have. Isn’t that what people anyway want, a little piece of mind. It’s not too much to ask for is it?
Last year, is so … yesteryear and I’m looking for the eerie silence after a tyrannous storm.
In Deed.
I have always felt that we are born for a reason, for a purpose. In Buddhism, they say that we are born human because we have carried out some good deeds in our past, good karma if you will. I believe that to some extent. I like to think that we have at least done some good somewhere. It makes me feel warm inside.
Getting to my point, what I’m trying to say is that, as good as a motive karma is, we shouldn’t be given an incentive to carry out a good deed. In fact, it should be done because of the goodness of your heart. Whether its saving an animal from harm, helping out wherever you can, giving a free meal, or just being there for a person when in need, those should be done without any malice or incentive. Like DeeCee mentioned in her post, of how TukTuk drivers would help the blind lady cross the street, we need more of that. We really do.
I think we lack that in general, wanting to do good for others. Some may argue that society doesn’t deserve it, as in general they may be selfish. But, there are those few that do, and we should really take that into consideration, that just because a few are of the bunch are rotten, doesn’t make the entire batch a bad one.
I try my level best to do something everyday, something I can live with. Of course I’m not perfect. I try to be nice to everyone I meet, sometimes I get the bad end of the deal. I shrug it off, but I do get upset in the process. Yet I try.
Maybe we all should at least do one good deed everyday. Just one little thing. Whether it’s giving change to a beggar on the street, helping a woman cross the street, or even giving a friend a shoulder, an ear or a hug, do something. It might not be much, but hey it’s something. Do something, the world is literally going to the dogs. Not the puppy sort, the rabid ones geared to tear you to pieces.
Today’s Quote – Relationships
“A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them – they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole relationship.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
(1875-1926)
[Poet, Novelist]
By Gilad
Today’s Quotes – Questions
“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.”
James Thurber
(1894 – 1961)
[US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist ]
By Justin-PS
Today’s Quote – Habits
I have realised that I have unfavourably cast aside this darling blog of mine, and therefore I have returned, with a saying. Life is a journey of self discovery, and these few words are dear to me now than ever before, as I traverse on life with the lessons of yesterday.
“Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.”
Agatha Christie (1890 – 1976)
[Novelist]
By youreuglykbie
Today’s Quote – Maturity
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”
Doctor Who
By Canfoto
Today’s Quote – Life
‘The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.’
Ursula K. Le Guin (1929 – )
[American Novelist]
By Gnato
Today’s Quote – Argument
“With reasonable men I will reason; with humane men I will plea; but to tyrants I will give no quarter, nor waste arguments where they will certainly be lost.”
William Lloyd Garrison (1805 – 1879)
[American abolitionist, journalist, and social reformer]
By Kalix
Today’s Quotes – Confusion
“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”
Hans Hofmann (1880-1966),
[German-born American abstract expressionist painter]
By lucabrasi
Today’s Quote – Truth
“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crises. The great point is to bring them the real facts.”
Abraham Lincoln (1809 –1865)
[16th President of the United States]
By damnengine
Today’s Quote – Anger
“Speak when you are angry–and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
Laurence J. Peter (1919 – 1988)
By maticgolob
Today’s Quote – Immortality
“The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.”
Anatole France (1844 – 1924)
By Nicasus
Today’s Quote – Discovery
“I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.”
Isaac Newton (1642 – 1727),
[From Brewster, Memoirs of Newton (1855)]
By Ballisticvole
Today’s Quote – Pain
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
Jim Morrison (1943-1971)
[American Poet and Singer. Member of the American band The Doors]
By Proverbios31
Today’s Quote – Success
“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”
Anna Quindlen (1953 – )
By dhuusarah
Today’s Quote – Actions
“Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way… you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.”
Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC)
By tracyjtz
Today’s Quote – Hate
“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”
Andre Gide (1869 – 1951)
By caught-cartooning
Nuff said!
Today’s Quote – Admiration
“In wonder all philosophy began, in wonder it ends, and admiration fill up the interspace; but the first wonder is the offspring of ignorance, the last is the parent of adoration”
Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) [English lyrical Poet, Critic and Philosopher]
By Karloftus
Today’s Quote – Confidence
“There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your youth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, ‘It all depends on me.'”
Andre Gide (1869 – 1951)
By iwishmewerekool
Today’s Quote – Laughter
“You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.”
Stephen King (1947 – ), [“Hearts in Atlantis”]
By Tonyna
Today’s Quote – Love
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
Carl Jung (1875 – 1961)
By darkbutterfly6
Today’s Quote – Chances
“If you ever get a second chance in life for something, you’ve got to go all the way.
Lance Armstrong
By Jolian
Today’s Quote – War
“Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy, or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events.”
Sir Winston Churchill
By YardieLion
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The Black Rose of Anarchy 