I’m working now, and I love the company and industry I’m in. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I had been trying to get in ever since I graduated. But when I finally got it, lots of of people were apprehensive about how long my career development euphoria will last.
This company has been known to stretch their employees thinly and most of them have crashed and burned in the past, and I suppose now, I can see why. The management trainee programme is quite grueling. There are 16 of us, all sorts of shapes, faces ans sizes. Our “first day” was a grueling out bound training and since then it’s been a roller coaster ride which i’ve gone about with a huge grin on my face.
Well, at least until all these assignments came up.
Apart from the homework and weekly reports and the examinations we’ve had to sit for throughout the last 4 months, we’ve now been handed research projects and what-nots. The what -nots are challenges as well as work based process improvements. Now, the thing is with over 4 hours on the road, it’s quite, how can I put it, tiring, frustrating and nerve-wrecking. I’m forever reminding myself of how I wanted to be here in the first place and now that I’m here to make it count. Don’t get me wrong, it’s this documentation issue that’s the problem, I love the work in itself. I had a plan when I started out like I always do, and I am gritting my teeth and dealing with it, but it’s tiring you know.
I guess we all come to a point when we chose the hard road to get to where we want to be. I guess this is the little sacrifice we make. The sleep, the time we would spend socialising, the bonds we hold, those get frayed in this process. What I’m trying to come at is how ambitious are you and how far would you go to get ahead in your career. Because, come to think of it, that is what we are striving for right? Ambition rules us most of the time. And, boy am I ambitious.
But, the thing is as a girl, there are so many other responsibilities you need to uphold. Like keeping in touch with your family, the helping out with the chores such as cooking and cleaning and generally being the perfect daughter. But right about now, I don’t have the capacity nor the energy to hold it altogether, I suppose that’s why my health keeps breaking down.
I just hope I find the balance to make this work, because the clock is ticking and I don’t want to be late.
What about you, guys? What would you do for your career and ambition?
How’s it been? Long time, no see. Sadly, it is my fault, and well I apologise, profusely. Once training is over along with my exams, I shall surface on a more regular routine, and maybe even complete the 20 something drafts just lying around. Yes, more for that I say.
Now let’s see, what’s been happening?
So the last 24 hours have been somewhat of a roller-coaster.
The ones that start really well, anticipation building up when you slowly but definitely get to the top of the first steep plunge of the ride. Yes, well after the plunge, your senses go on overdrive and while screaming “OMFCG Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and then reverting to “OMG GET ME OUT OF HERE” and then finally settling “THAT WAS AWESOME, I can’t feel my legs”. Well, I think feeling has come back to my legs by now. Thanks, shall we proceed? Yes? Jolly Good!
INVADERS. IN MY ROOM. I HAVE BEEN EXILED FROM MY ROOM. DAMN INVADERS! Taking away my window frames, and now my ROOM. My Empire is lost. To SAW DUST! But, behold the secret plans for the rebellion – here! *insert evil laugh*.
I’ve been relocated to the Green Room. Green, Apple Green for that matter. So simple, so pastel, so close to the gate and the road. I was fine at the back-end of the house. All I could hear were the dogs and the cats barking and meowing. More cats than dogs, and these cats, they fought like cats and dogs. You’d think being from the same species they’d have some sort of civility, but oh no, they gotta bring the house down. Well my roof anyway, in the middle of the night, or morning (that’s when I fall asleep). All I hear now is the gate opening. Mind you, that gate creaks, no shrieks when opened. It’s so LOUD. But it gives me a viewpoint of the lane, but I can’t be bothered getting up from my bed to become a busy body. I’m fine watching my TV show marathons. But seriously, some people do sleep you know, when they eventually fall into La La Land. But, I miss my Purple Room. It’s darkness, its shelter. I miss my pillow fortress. I miss my bed too. Poor bed, it hasn’t had my warmth. I wonder how it’s doing, saw dust and all. * wipes away tear* I’ll be back soon Purples.
So, it’s Friday. Wait, no it’s not! It’s Thursday. I wish it was Friday though. I don’t know why though. Maybe then I could say “Thank God It’s Friday”, like all you employed folks, but I wouldn’t have any incentive to say it because, I am indeed unemployed. Yep, at home, dirt poor, while cob webs are being spun by darn spiders (Sorry Maks – I don’t mean you,I absolutely adore you) in my bank account.
BUT, never-mind that. By next week I’ll be up and running. If anyone has seen the video of me literally bouncing off the walls of my university, then you’ll know how hyperactive I can get. At such times, padded rooms are a definite plus, too bad I’m still mentally sound enough to actually be bouncing off brick walls.
Aaaaah employment. I’ve never been a person who could stay still. Though unemployment came to me by a forced decision (due to my illness) and since the 8 doctors who’ve tried helping me can’t really help me, I’ve decided to go back to being a vegetarian, in hope that the stomach will appreciate all the sacrifices I’ve made. But I’m not giving up my coffee addiction, no sir. =) I need it, I cannot be me with out it. It brings out the essence of yours truly, whatever that may be.
However, sadly I think I might be developing a resistance to coffee, at least it’s effects. I guess I should move up to Black Coffee from just Milk Coffee. Cause you see, with all the medication I’ve taken, I think I’ve developed a threshold for substance abuse. Medications are some form of drug substance, thus I’m calling it that. Oh well, when that happens, I’m just going to turn it up a notch. *Cue the evil laughter, Coughs*
I feel rather disconnected from everything. Maybe it’s the effects of re-entering vegetarianism again, but who cares yeah? Catchya later folks. Happy Thai Pongal!
I don’t know, but for some reason, I’m extremely blue today.
I have no one that’s mine to call my own, a lover, someone who’ll put me to sleep, tell me they love me, so that when I wake up the next day, I’ll rise with a smile, and await their sweet voice.
I have no job to keep me busy, no job security, no income and therefore no freedom, no independence, and ultimately no standing in my family, in society, in myself.
I have my education, but one that is missing a lot. At least I have that.Then again, I don’t believe I’m giving it my all.
My relationship with the family is harried, I really don’t enjoy being confined within these walls, all I want to do is scream and run away. I would if I could.
I think to be in love, but only that which is unrequited or in this case unknown to the person I seem to be falling for, madly. Such is my luck, ever bare.
I wish, this New Years, that my life would turn around and be better for me, bring me joy, bring me some sort of hope, because day by day, I feel lost, numb, gone. I feel like I’m fading into nothing and no one can stop me, no one can save me, and in turn it scares me. It does, I have never been this scared of anything in my life, and here I am unable to take a step forward because I don’t know what it’ll hold. I want to be safe, reassured and therefore complacent of what is already in my life, but then I look at my life and I see nothing. Nothing that would render it useful, fulfilling, and meaningful.
The only thing that binds me to his life, to some form of happiness is my dear friends, and I am thankful for them. However, they will also be gone in the near future, leaving me as bare as I feel now, just more completely. I am only being realistic, life is such, but deep down I hope that it will never happen.
And therefore I’m scared. Extremely, inexplicably. I don’t know what I can do about it though. Right now I’m stuck in a rut I can’t get out of. But eventually, like I have been trying in the last few weeks, I seem to be crawling out of this hole that I’ve fallen into, and I hope by the turn of the year, I will indeed have surfaced onto the crust and bid adieu to the pit that’s honed me for the last few months.
- … my grandmother and grandfather.
- … HUGS. The Warm, Soft, Fluffy, Long Kind.
- … the feeling you get when you see a close friend you haven’t seen in a while
- … the shriek that is followed by that feeling when you meet with them
- … running towards each other like one of those corny Hindi movies from the 70s or 80s, following shriek.
- … being lifted up by a darling friend, and twirled 360 degrees on the beach at 2 in the morning
- … walking miles in the company of great friends, the aching muscles and tiredness the next day is worth every minute of it
- … looking into his eyes, and letting it speak for you.
- … hugging someone that special way, knowing that a hug will comfort them to no ends.
- … being held, because sometimes all we need is that, especially to save ourselves.
- … saving a little birdy from being slaughtered by cats and letting it fly after rubbing its head awhile
- … Zoffy.
- … Phoenix.
- … cart wheeling at Independence Square.
- … having a “Sandwich Factory” dinner at Independence Square
- … doing a TING (my girls would know *wink)
- … seeing one of your batch mates married off. To a really nice man.
- … the beach
- … the sea
- … lovely hairbands
- … Boleros
- … jeans. the low boot and skinny kind.
- … dancing the night away. With one heck of a great friend.
- … street racing down Galle Road at 2a.m.
- … my birthday week. surprises and all. OMG You GUYS!
- … my special leaf. Lots of love in that.
- … when you find that thing you’ve lost
- … smelling my hair
- … being high on life
- … being high on coffee, sugar and RedBull
- … photography.
- … lying in each others arms.
- … smiling with your eyes
- … independence
- … walking around town, just because you can.
- … doggies
- … also kitties.
- … coffee.
- … pigging out on Black Forest Cake with your mates, and eating every last bit of it.
- … the insane Lunch Room times.
- … the Taj car park session at the onstage 2nd prellies ’08 with RealSkullZero, A, M and Nils.
- … Dancing for no apparent reason, to the dorkiest song on earth.
- … water fights.
- … pillow fights.
- … holding his pinky finger, the way a new born baby would for the first time.
- … babies.
- … security.
- … driving with an awesome friend who is also a super cool driver.
- … being rescued by said friend in the middle of the night after losing my head and going the wrong way.
- … PURPLE.
- … Jensen Ackles.
- … second chances.
- … being there for them no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!
- … that day in June.
- … kisses on the forehead.
- … holding your hand.
- … not letting any object break that invisible bond as you walk side by side
- … talking on the phone for hours, not realising the time
- … that look in your eyes.
- … spending ages making cards and gifts.
- … window shopping with the girls. never buying anything.
- … great fan fiction. Sarah Rees Brennan FTW.
- … is Dreaming. Like James Dean said. Dream as if you’ll live forever; Live as if you’ll die today.
- … Friendship.
- … Happiness.
- … Knowing that Mother loves me.
- … The Hikka Pact.
I was tagged by dearest Dili.
Afternote : I know this is extremely long. Thousand apologies.