They say that life is hard, but how hard is it to live inside this home, no one apart from the very people who live here will truly know.
There is never a day that goes by without voices being raised, people getting hurt and dreams being shredded into little pieces. First by hands, then put into a shredder and then stabbed with an ice pick. Yes, my dreams have gone through that. They lie in minuscule pieces on the floor and I look upon them with grief.
They say that families are supposed to take care of you, and I suppose they do. But that care always comes at a cost and that is when a certain individual flips, a monster makes an entrance, we get flamed and scorched good. Crispy, if you will.
It is at times like these that I want to run away from home, but I can’t because I’d be leaving behind people I can’t really take with me. And that makes me want to cry and cry and cry. Crying never solves anything, but at least the agony that my heart feels right now, would dissolve into the salty water and the weight of these problems will ease, at least a little. But I sometimes think, does it really? I don’t think so, but at least I can pretend that it will.
Nothing is ever good enough, and we are never good enough. No matter what is said and done, things never get resolved and we just continue in this cycle of life and hate.
Let’s say that my life is 90% Misery and 10% where I’m trying to maintain my sanity when I live under this roof, and I preoccupy myself by hiding behind text books and my faithful laptop. When I’m not within the confines of these walls, I’m 90% deliriously happy and 10% carefree! I might sound like a bitch for saying this, but without my closest friends, I don’t think I could survive this long in this crazy so called ‘Home’. Because this isn’t a home, it’s my own personal prison, and the mother is the Prison Warden. With constant threats, never knowing what tomorrow might bring, the only solace I know is that the people who I have found my peace with will still be around when dawn breaks. For that I’m thankful.