You know how free, safe, warm, and right you feel when the storm is over and the sea is calm again. I feel that way now. Because now, it doesn’t hurt anymore.
I know that because, when I listen to beautiful songs I couldn’t bear to listen to before I don’t feel my cheeks wet with salty tears, I don’t feel my heart breaking into millions pieces, my love wasted on a soul who didn’t give a damn and wasted my emotions, my feelings, my love for nothing.
I had a chat with Bestie’s little sister. She and I were always great friends. Sweet kid, I always had a soft spot for the little darling. I was able to talk to her last year when many didn’t understand why I liked the man I was head over heels in love with. I don’t know why anymore myself.
She understood why I needed to be friends with him, even after he moved on to another. She told me that people with ADD sometimes moved on quicker than usual, and were at times quite tough relationship wise.
But I was stubborn, I wanted to help him, even if it meant I was helping him be with “her“.I still remember him telling me “but Pav, I love her“. I wanted to fight for him, fight for us, and fight for what he wanted, which was “her“. In a way I’m still fighting, but with the memories of last year. But that’s in the past now, I’m looking towards the present. Moving on.
The little girl I knew has grown up, and I’m so proud of her. Going through a similar relationship wall, much like I did, she’s acted so maturely and I have never been more proud of her. Mourning her love, she put aside her emotions and went on with life. She literally got up, brushed herself off, and decided to go through life head held high. She’s truly a beautiful person, and whoever is deserving enough to be in her life, will truly be one lucky fella. And I’m truly lucky to have a friend like you.
You’re a good kid and I love you!
There are moments where you feel like you’re frozen in time.
On the last day of the year, I have come face to face with that moment. Some people say that when you die, you see your life flash before your eyes. In this instance, since the time I woke, the last year, month by month, moment by moment, has flashed before me.
Whilst gobbling down the Christmas cake my dear cousin had sent us, I write this, while reminiscing the good and the bad of this year. Mostly bad, but there’s a silver lining in everything. Most of the lining (as normal lining always is) was hidden and the most recent, obviously came really late. But here’s another cliché for you, better late than never eh? Okay, I’m done with the corny clichés, or am I?
So this year was a tough one, but I’m over it.
It was hard to do, but I let go of my past. I’ve embraced new people, had my heart broken (I will always stand by what I said – we were better friends than lovers), met some great people as well as one that has my heart, and I’m on my way to better health and a better future.
So, all in all, I wanna say Goodbye and Good Riddance Year 2009, 2010 is gonna kick ass.
Bring out the Bubbly people. See what I did there? No? Darn it, I’ve been watching too much How I Met Your Mother.
Have a great New Years folks. Cheers.
I leave you with a poem by Conventry Patmore;
With all my will, but much against my heart,
We two now part.
My Very Dear,
Our solace is, the sad road lies so clear.
It needs no art,
With faint, averted feet
And many a tear,
In our opposèd paths to persevere.
Go thou to East, I West.
We will not say
There ‘s any hope, it is so far away.
But, O, my Best,
When the one darling of our widowhead,
The nursling Grief,
And no dews blur our eyes
To see the peach-bloom come in evening skies,
Perchance we may,
Where now this night is day,
And even through faith of still averted feet,
Making full circle of our banishment,
The bitter journey to the bourne so sweet
Seasoning the termless feast of our content
With tears of recognition never dry.
She was there to hold my hand, to laugh with me when times were such and cry with me when my heart broke. She was there when I retched day in and day out, sick to my stomach, unable to make it through. She was there when my heart shattered into a million pieces, when the man I loved left me for another. She was there in an instant, like lighting, to make sure that I was safe and loved. Her heart broke when I made the wrong decision, and yet she prayed that I would find the way. She knew better than not to question me when I was stubborn, she knew me well enough to know the angel within. She knew me, she knows me and she always will.
She has been around since the day I was born, and only absent when I left her, for another land. She’s always been around, throughout my life, and that’s all I’ll ever really ask for, in her. We’ve had our disagreements, but always made up soon after.And that’s what makes this the best relationship to date. To be bonded, to be linked, and most importantly to be loved. By another so like you, yet unlike you, and in the end to know that you have someone who cares for you as deeply as you do her.
I love you for who you are, and what you are to me, for being my sister.
I love you, Ruks.
Here’s to a new year, a new leaf, a new life.
I was lucky enough to meet a really great friend, who in the last couple of months has been there constantly for me and been an absolute darling. I hope I can be as great a friend to you as you are to me.
Thanks Dili, for everything, along with helping me with this when I needed advice.
She lay alone, on her sofa, in anxiety. Her mind was absorbed with a million things, a million possibilities, a million thoughts. Ravaging all the happiness of her solace, the devil was playing tricks on her and finally she succumbed to her evil thoughts. She had tried so hard in the time that had elapsed, to become what they perceived her to be. Normal, thoughtful and and smile away, like she always had been, before the world turn black again. But with recent events, that had become too hard, too cumbersome. She had given in to the evil that was spreading in her, the darkness that made her desolate. Depression had caught on, and she let go, completely. With all these transformations, what she missed was her smile and the way her eyes twinkled. The last month had been tough, tougher than her childhood. Her childhood had taught her many things, one was the art of deception, and how not to let her feelings show to the world. But then she faltered, to a man she believed she loved.