Amongst the Thorns, She Fights!

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My Career & I…

I’m working now, and I love the company and industry I’m in. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I had been trying to get in ever since I graduated. But when I finally got it, lots of of people were apprehensive about how long my career development euphoria will last.

This company has been known to stretch their employees thinly and most of them have crashed and burned in the past, and I suppose now, I can see why. The management trainee programme  is quite grueling. There are 16 of us, all sorts of shapes, faces ans sizes. Our “first day” was a grueling out bound training and since then it’s been a roller coaster ride which i’ve gone about with a huge grin on my face.

Well, at least until all these assignments came up.

Apart from the homework and weekly reports and the examinations we’ve had to sit for throughout the last 4 months, we’ve now been handed research projects and what-nots. The what -nots are challenges as well as work based process improvements. Now, the thing is with over 4 hours on the road, it’s quite, how can I put it, tiring, frustrating and nerve-wrecking. I’m forever reminding myself of how I wanted to be here in the first place and now that I’m here to make it count. Don’t get me wrong, it’s this documentation issue that’s the problem, I love the work in itself. I had a plan when I started out like I always do, and I am gritting my teeth and dealing with it, but it’s tiring you know.

I guess we all come to a point when we chose the hard road to get to where we want to be. I guess this is the little sacrifice we make. The sleep, the time we would spend socialising, the bonds we hold, those get frayed in this process. What I’m trying to come at is how ambitious are you and how far would you go to get ahead in your career. Because, come to think of it, that is what we are striving for right? Ambition rules us most of the time. And, boy am I ambitious.

But, the thing is as a girl, there are so many other responsibilities you need to uphold. Like keeping in touch with your family, the  helping out with the chores such as cooking and cleaning and generally being the perfect daughter. But right about now, I don’t have the capacity nor the energy to hold it altogether, I suppose that’s why my health keeps breaking down.

I just hope I find the balance to make this work, because the clock is ticking and I don’t want to be late.

What about you, guys? What would you do for your career and ambition?

Nuisance Callers!

Ever been kept awake by annoying nuisance callers, or do you get bombed texts from idiots cos they think it’s fun to bully someone by continuously being a pain.

Never fear, for Dialog GSM has a solution, with the Call Block and SMS Block feature.

Enjoy;
CALL BLOCK

SMS BLOCK

A little piece of mind, maybe?

Is it wrong to want to be assertive, to stop people walking all over me and leaving me a mess on the floor? I don’t think so.

Last year taught me many things; one was that if someone in your life takes what you are and turns you into something that makes you doubt yourself, then that said person isn’t worth the trouble nor the effort. If they continuously blame you for their misgivings, and how they can’t overcome their own issues but would rather point fingers into your direction and tear into who you are, then it’s definitely not worth it. I learnt it the hard way, and I learnt it good.

Last year I said goodbye to many people, two friends who are now in heaven and some who still walk the earth. The latter I had to bid them goodbye because it was harder and harder to have conversations with them, let alone get a word in sideways. So I let go, I cut ties and I moved on. Some I didn’t give fair warning but merely a few words that said ‘I can’t handle this‘ and some I just chose the ‘ignorance is bliss‘ route. Does that make me a bad person to for at least once in my life crave some self-preservation, then so be it.

Last year, I chose myself, and frankly I’m not really sorry. But having said that, I should also give thanks for those who were part of my life and leading me into who I am now, otherwise I wouldn’t have learnt so many lessons in life. Without them I don’t think I would have been pushed to say “No, no more, this has to stop“. Do I miss the people who I let go? Maybe a little. I suppose I miss the good times, but when the sour surpasses the sweet, I’d rather turn away than experience the bitterness of what I went through. But thank you, for making me not want to reach out more than I used to. I now know that kindness isn’t always something that people take too kindly to as some resort to abuse it and take it for granted and is often misunderstood for its intentions. With that experience I drew closer to the people who supported me without wanting to slit my wrists, and I’m happy, with the little piece of mind I have. Isn’t that what people anyway want, a little piece of mind. It’s not too much to ask for is it?

Last year, is so … yesteryear and I’m looking for the eerie silence after a tyrannous storm.

Story of my Life

I came across this when I was tumblring and found it on Teddy‘s tumblr.

This is me, and it gets awkward and sad sometimes. Hug back please. Cos, everyone wants to be hugged despite the awkwardness, like the Free Hug in Sondrio, Italy.

I’m waiting

I’m an accident waiting to happen…

I’m a bomb waiting to go off…

I’m a flower waiting to bloom…

I’m a babe waiting to be born…

I’m waiting…

…. for you to come around…

OH NOES. EXAMS!

Yes, exam time is here for me once again. WHAT you ask? “CIM“, she says in a meek voice.

Yes, I’ll be sitting for CIM not tomorrow but the day after. *GULPS, in slow motion as beads of  perspiration appear on her forehead*

My facebook status has had three  nay four CIM updates so far. Behold;

28th May : The next two weeks are going to be something. #CIM, here I come!

4th June : Lunch, water, energy drink, shortnotes, water, energy drink, shortnotes, water, energy drink, shortnotes, dinner, and the cycle continues… *sigh* #CIM

6th June : CIM doomsday approaching… fast fast *runs away screaming*

7th June: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek CIM CIM CIM *chanting continues* OMG A CIM TRIBAL SACRIFICE, they are going to eat me aliiiiiiiiiiiiive. SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ME, SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ME *freaking out here!!!!!* *dies*

Yes, I’m slowly losing my mind. Happens every time I have exams. Last year I opted to try the nonchalant “what? I have exams? I’m gonna wing it!” I winged it and passed. BUT see this year, it’s the last time the old syllabus will be held and therefore the old green monster CIM UK is actually looming overhead telling me that IF I don’t sit for it and pass, he’ll gobble me up I will have to redo the entire stage in the new syllabus or something like that. Yes. One of the two.

What am I doing here? Well, I came to look for example of Channel Intermediaries and realised THAT I MUST CHECK GMAIL/TWITTER/FACEBOOK/LATITUDE/MY-VIRTUAL-PET-TURTLES erm yes, not going so well with the staying away from all TEMPTATION.

Anyways, that’s when I came across THE YOUTUBE and found this awesome video. BEHOLD AND BE AWED.

Right. I think I’ll go now and do those past papers like the  Cutie-on-the-bleachers The-Dude-in-the-video said. Erm *looks shift*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI. WISH ME LUCK….because I’ll surely die.

Or as I like to call it, the Head Desker 2000Z

It’s all very Meh, ya see?

I’m not the world’s best confrontational person, or maybe I am (because some days I’m ready to break down doors and the others not so much, but lest to say I don’t go picking fights). I love that the past has made me the way I am today, but I don’t like getting reminded of the past day in and day out, because well, my past ain’t too great. And when I do get around to reminiscing every tiny bit (because I am OCD like that), I get really torn up about and it takes me a while to let things ease out into normalcy.

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The Good, The Bad and the Wrong

Those who know me, know that I’m not overly religious. I follow the Buddhist philosophy, and I stick to the principles identified within that framework, with a vengeance at times. This, however, also leaves me in a bit of disarray, as Buddhism being a philosophy turned religion (in the minds of the people (that is,  followers, practitioners, inter alia), it has evolved from a mere way of life to what I would call a business (because save for a few religious heads, it is JUST that).

One thing that always happens around religious times and when I visit temple, is where I get extremely puzzled on my life and how it has turned out to be. See my life hasn’t been a bed of roses or a walk in the park to say the least, and along the way, this person who used to breathe Buddhism as a religion and follow it quite well (because that was I was brought up that way by my grandparents, despite the Christian learnings I’ve had to partake in whilst I was abroad), I stuck to my guns and I was religious. When I used to give thanks at the table and my mother wanted me to be more Buddhist, I did so without being asked twice (though I was confused as my Catholic cousins would carry onto). Now, I was always a curious child and every questioning (which was often reciprocated with a yell of frustration or smack (cos I tend to ask the darndest things ya know?)). Anyways, when it came to matter of religious following, I didn’t question my mother on it, but did as I was told.  BUT, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t confused about the dynamics of it all.

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The Path…

Another attempt at prose…

Walking down this lonely darkened road, a familiar pathway trodden down upon just a yonder ago. I see the signs that this road held last year, which led me down a future that I’ve made past with, home to battle scars and fear.

Looking closely into the signs I see and ponder, should I let them lead me where I was last, or should I stop to investigate the footprints in the sand. Should I inquire from the only soul in sight, a man that’s tall and dark, yet not dark as night.

Oh this familiar path, it haunts me, so much so that my nights are ever cruel. Every time I trudge along way of the dark, the cold, it mocks me with eerie taunts and I weep with reddened tears aloud.

Drawn in magnetism to the bleak end of the road, drenched in sudden solemn “Turn away”, my conscience calls. But the smog almost reels me in with mysterious songs and I hear the evil snickers of promises of being led to where I unduly belonged.

Alone, cold and reeled into the curious cloud of body made of my fears, with it all, down this path I’ll be led. Down it I shall be taken, even to my death bed. For this path, so cruel yet so close to my skin, has become the reason of my only sin.

By Lady-Amarillis

Recapping…

Hello World.

How’s it been? Long time, no see. Sadly, it is my fault, and well I apologise, profusely. Once training is over along with my exams, I shall surface on a more regular routine, and maybe even complete the 20 something drafts just lying around. Yes, more for that I say.

Now let’s see, what’s been happening?

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