Amongst the Thorns, She Fights!

It’s been awhile…

…. since I’ve been down this road. I was having a chat with Teddy, when it suddenly hit me what today was.

A year ago to this day, I remember I cut my hair short, a page-boy bob. After growing out my hair to a length never achieved before, I cut it, because the reminders that the hair had for me were too many. And after months of letting it be, it was gone. I knew I missed in that moment, I knew I longed to feel it between my fingers, I longed to play with it again and be able to smell that fruity scent I was so familiar with it. And more than the memories, I knew I had been rash and hasty, and done away my hair and not dealing with the person at hand. I was never the confrontational person, at least till now.

I remember why I cut it and I remember the tears I cried that same morning (for different and more horrible reasons), when I hastily made my way to the salon. “I want it gone”  I told them and silently to myself “…like all those bad memories.

I remember, and yet it feels so long ago. The months that followed afterward were just as tearful, just as painful as that day that I cut my hair, only one year ago.

Oh, but it’s over now and my hair has grown back. Not to its former glory, but it’s getting there. And in that time, I must say, its been a roller-coaster of ups and down.

The last six months have been wonderful. Hell, despite the torture I endured I’ve learnt some great things, like the following;

a) I have met some wonderful people, who I know will be with me, close to my heart, for the rest of my life

b) These same people have given me love, comfort, hope and I think most importantly assertiveness

c) I’ve slammed the door on many-a-people. Maybe it was time to close those chapters. I might have been rude, but I didn’t know how else to do it. Now, I know better. I apologise for my lack of manners. Maybe, I was mad at the time, maybe I was just tired. Maybe, we’ll never know, will we?

d) I have found the meaning to the quote “Never make anyone a priority while you’re just an option to them“, and since then I have made priorities and I have made efforts towards and for the people I believe in, for the values I believe in and for the things I believe in. We must love for ourselves, and we must fight for what we love, and importantly we must love ourselves and we must fight for our heart, for if not for our heart, we would not be alive.

c) There’s nothing you cannot do. Every frightful minute you stand their panicking, is a waste. If a person can get through heartbreak, nothing will hold them back.

e) People leave. But not the ones who truly matter. They always stay.

f) I have a mean right arm, and boy do I know how to use it. Yes, I can get violent sometimes. 🙂

g) It helps to count to ten, extremely slowly.

h) I’ve learnt to love the little things in life, and maybe I’ve also started to see the micro-expressions. But I’ve certainly stopped taking things for granted, and I literally see the little things. Is that a good thing or a bad thing, I’ll figure that one out. But so far, it hasn’t done me any wrong.

i) I have 7 personalities. Meet them : Piper, Phoebe, Portia, Page, Penelope, Prudence, and of course the mix of all six, Pav.

j) Murphy really has it in for me. I had my 3rd concussion on March 1st 2010.

k) I also discovered I’m dyslexic. And, I shall leave it at that.

l) You can choose to forgive and forget. Some people you need to cut off.  Always remember that life is a journey and a lesson, and every burn and scar holds wisdom. For a person who easily forgives and forgets, I am taking it easy now, and only forgiving people who truly matter to me.

m) Never apologise if you know you had a good reason for your decisions. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t change the good person you are inside. Learn to love yourself, and stay true.

n) I learnt to love again. And to trust, and fall madly and deeply in love with a man I cannot do a minute without. And he knows this, and I’m glad! *knocks on wood* Hell, I’m over the moon. I love you, Baby!

o) I have realised not to take the happiness with the boy who is worth every second of every breath I take for granted, as Sabby put into words I couldn’t find. Thank you Sabby, for giving me perspective in life and always, ALWAYS being there.

I think I’ve missed out a few lessons here and there, but when I remember I shall note it down.

Here’s to more great times like the last six months have been , and for to come and my hair, you’ve made a great come back.

A special mention to all those who stood by me, and looked into me when I was going through the rough time, Teddy, Sabby, Ruki, Nee, Chinch, Fallen, Mane, Anj, G, Ro, and some of the other I can’t name here… You guys really helped me come out of a dark hole, with the broken heart and the grieving of my friend, you guys are my rainbow.

Oh, yeah. In the words of Teddy himself, “there’s a silver lining…

Help, i need somebody, Help, not just anybody, Help, you know i need someone, help.

9 responses

  1. aerondight

    Micro expressions!!!! Why do I get the feeling someone has been watching Lie to me, a lot of it as well by the looks of it.
    Finding new chapters in life can be quite hard to do. But you’ve succeeded. Yay! 🙂

    August 22, 2010 at 8:37 pm

  2. Gosh… Can relate to some of the things…. I guess this is how you think when you get through it all, walking on the same path right now this post made me smile that after awhile I would also look back and see what I’ve learned and some of your points would be spot on!!!

    Thank You for making my day, It’s been a while and I’m sick and tired of going through things like this and wish I had a break. Anyway glad your doing well.. Hats off to you!!! Cheers…

    August 22, 2010 at 9:36 pm

  3. techboi

    Aerondight: ALOT of Lie to me :-p

    Blackrose: I love F :-p ❤ :-*

    August 22, 2010 at 10:04 pm

  4. meh, we just needed your right hook for protection 😉 😆

    anyway… 🙂

    you did good blackrose. it was just great to be there and see you do it 🙂



    August 23, 2010 at 12:15 am

  5. Awesome 😀


    August 23, 2010 at 10:34 pm

  6. cf

    couldn’t have read it at a better time. thank you!

    August 24, 2010 at 12:44 am

  7. Nice !

    September 1, 2010 at 1:01 pm

  8. Guiding Spirit

    “Never make anyone a priority while you’re just an option to them” … wish someone had told me this months ago …. would have saved me quite a few bruises on my heart (and my pride) … but then do we really listen to advice?

    October 8, 2010 at 10:57 pm

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