I have had one of those days you know, where you tend to look out into horizon and see a crow flying right at you, and all you can do is freeze there, cross-eyed as it comes straight at you and BAM, you’re left with a beak imprint, like a stamp saying “you’ve been Crow’d b*tch“, you know, like in “Punk’d”.
It started from last night, when I had a long chat with my cousin before heading out to bed, OR maybe even from the night before when I had a rather long chat with my pseudo-brother.
It all had to do with Jay! (Yes all your fault you big doofus 🙂 though I adore you beyond belief). See, Jay and I share this great friendship, which cannot be explained sometimes, and I don’t think it ever will be. But we have it, had it, because after Uni, we went separate ways, but when we do meet, we fall back into the same rhythm as we used to.
Now, my conundrum arrives at the point where last year, I met with a person, who’s a lot like Jay in mannerism, and some people have shockingly told me how much he resembles him as well. You know, when you re-discover similarity, it’s a grand feeling. Twice the glory, double the fun. I have no idea where that came from or what it means, all I know is that it sounded right in my head.
So, as I said, this new friend was everything Jay and I were, and more. But then there were a lot of bumps on the road and let’s just say that things got complicated (as things normally do in the real world) and well, things have changed, out of circumstances, choices and decisions. According to the new friend, decisions and choices are arrived upon according to the information and facts that have been put forth in front of him and thereby giving him reason to arrive at whatever decision or choice he’s had to make (regardless of how wrong, unfair and vile). Therefore, lets say he made some choices and decisions, and then there were the chain of events that followed, for a long time. This happened a few times. And now, it’s stagnant.
But my problem remains that I miss the friendship we had, the bond we had. Just like I miss how Jay and I were so close. You know in “How I Met Your Mother“, Lily and Marshall were able to communicate telepathically, yep we had that tendency. And it was great. It’s at that point where you know, you absolutely know the other person, and how he or she works and thinks and reacts. I’m quite sensitive to changes in behaviour or routine anyway. It sorta sets off an alarm where it beeps frequently telling me “look something ain’t right, so get your butt off the sofa and look into it, cos it might be important”. And from there, I have hunches and I am sorta perceptive in that form when I’m totally “locked on target”.
Yeah, so problem is that I miss Jay, well I miss them both terribly. Even though maybe I shouldn’t because people keep telling me “circumstances Missy, circumstances“. But what I’m trying to say is that I can’t help longing for those memories, for those moments that are now forever lost in time, aren’t really lost. They are all hauled up right here (I’m tapping on my right temple now, for your information), yep hauled up in my brain, and sometimes they play themselves over and over again. At such times, I either smile and get a warm feeling all over me, or if not I shed a tear and weep silently.
So today, I got “crow’d”. I read one of most recent friend’s posts and I was compelled by some sort of miserable (to me) power of my empathetic nerves to call him. Instantly, I was like “WTF woman”. I have many of these moments. I never learn. At least the point where one must not re-befriend people who’ve wronged you, as my pseudo-brother says. But, I object to this, because I like being friends with people, and I easily forgive people and let things slide. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I learnt at an early age that you need to “forgive and forget” or, at least forgive. I guess it’s been etched into my subconscious and I can’t seem to really let it be overridden by grownup beliefs.
All I’m saying is that I wanna set things right, put things behind, start fresh, because life is too short for being asses to one another, for being stuck-up-bitches, for letting simple disagreements or mistakes get in the way. Isn’t unity a worthy cause? Haven’t too many countries, lands, continents been divided because of trivial disagreements? Can’t we jut be civil, and then work up from there? I don’t know I’m just saying.
My two cents really, and now I feel better. Take care people and hug someone today.