Amongst the Thorns, She Fights!

Starry Sunday

I was lucky enough to meet a really great friend, who in the last couple of months has been there constantly for me and been an absolute darling.  I hope I can be as great a friend to you as you are to me.

Thanks Dili, for everything, along with helping me with this when I needed advice.

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She lay alone, on her sofa, in anxiety. Her mind was absorbed with a million things, a million possibilities, a million thoughts. Ravaging all the happiness of her solace, the devil was playing tricks on her and finally she succumbed to her evil thoughts. She had tried so hard in the time that had elapsed, to become what they perceived her to be. Normal, thoughtful and and smile away, like she always had been, before the world turn black again. But with recent events, that had become too hard, too cumbersome. She had given in to the evil that was spreading in her, the darkness that made her desolate. Depression had caught on, and she let go, completely. With all these transformations, what she missed was her smile and the way her eyes twinkled. The last month had been tough, tougher than her childhood. Her childhood had taught her many things, one was the art of deception, and how not to let her feelings show to the world. But then she faltered, to a man she believed she loved.

Matthew.

Thinking of him now sent chills down her spine, tickling her every sensation. Love. She loved him, she still loved him. But what was love in this game of life. Cruelty beckoning forth the greed of mankind, she knew only how to play. But would she falter again, if she encountered a soul like him, heaven forbid is she encountered Matthew ever again, she would fall into an abyss that would only be set right if he ever caught her, but he wouldn’t. He was a drifter, and he drifted into and out of her life, leaving her alone and desolate. He hadn’t understood how much she loved him, how much she had wanted him to stay or at least take her with him. He knew her past, but he hadn’t seemed to understand or grasp it fully. She regretted ever telling him, she didn’t know why she opened up to him. Maybe it was because she had wanted something more than what they had, she wanted him to know her, the curves of her soul, the tips of her emotions, the black hole she called her past. She lay, quietly, thinking, reminiscing the times she had succumbed to love. She didn’t know any better, and he had come along saving her from desolation. The only man to have been her saviour from the life she knew, she didn’t know right from wrong and gave herself to him, willingly, completely. She gave him, her mind, her body and lastly her soul.

Before Matt had come alone, she was just a body, a body that was for taking, and was, taken crudely by a man who only possessed one thing, and that was lust, only complemented by a passion for lust. That very passion, took away her innocence, in a heart beat, she didn’t know what happened, she was too young, and she did not know any better. What followed were the repercussions. The repercussion on her mind, her soul was broken; it lay strewn around the very clothes that were discarded in rage, torn from her body, taken without her consent.

Naked, alone in a house she once called home, she didn’t know how she had gotten there, everything seemed black, dirty, and vile. She wanted to scream “NO”, but her mind has shut itself off, her senses had given in to the torment, her eyes drew salty tears, in anguish, in disgust, in horror to what was happening. She wanted to cry out loud. But her voice had lost its will, like her soul had broken into many a piece. She didn’t now what had happened. She had only been polite and welcoming. He was her family. He was her own blood. How could he have done this to her? Hadn’t he called her precious once, a delicate petal? Why had he plucked her from her rightful place in the world and made her what she loathed. Dirty. She hated it, the word, everything that she wasn’t. She was dirty, The monster had made her dirty. She had no escape, she tried with all her might, but he took away everything that made her pure, everything that made her innocent. She cried, she cried for hours on end, but her innocent eyes never showed the anguish that lay inside her mind, the torture her body was receiving.

She bit him, the first chance she got, but was only silenced by a slap the next moment. Her head throbbed with ache aside from her physical and mental agony she suffered. Biting down the stings she received with every thrust, she dared not show her pain, the way he was killing her inside, every shove was like a stab to her heart and he wouldn’t stop, he wouldn’t leave her be. But then suddenly it stopped. He rolled over her, like she was a rag, and left without a word. She lay there, bewildered, disgusted, how that man who took so much out of her, the very man who called her family took her innocence without a second glance and walked away without a word of sorrow, of guilt. Where was the justice in that? Committing an act so vile, so degrading and leaving her wounded, without a mere gesture of remorse. Nothing, absolutely nothing!

She laid there for hours, but felt them to be days. Then the day grew dark and her parents had come home from work. She willed herself to get up and ensure that they would not see the disgrace she had had to undergo, she promised herself that no one would know about the disgrace, how her innocence was lost, how she had become dirty, in the blink of an eye. She was angry, desolate and ashamed. With those very emotions through the years she adapted, she succumbed to the devil’s desire to break her, and break she did. She was no more the innocent child that they remembered. She had evolved into a lifeless machine, a robot with a heart if you will. She had given up on life at an age so young.

But then, then Matthew came along. He showed her the glory of life and the limitless bounties of love. He adored her, endlessly with everything that he was, and she felt alive, like she had never felt since that day when the sunshine seemed ashen, when her life eclipsed into total darkness. Ever since that fateful day that propelled into an abyss so deep she never thought she would see the day so bright, and think of sunshine as godsend. She had never felt this alive, so loved, so empowered by emotions.

Sadly, just as he came into her life, he left. He wanted to pursue his dreams, he needed to travel the world, live the life. “Life was too short” he said, “it’s meant to be lived”. I couldn’t agree with him more. She suddenly remembered the years she had spent wallowing over her childhood. “No more” she thought. As she watched Matthew crinkle his nose and smile, she knew that the moments she had with him would be one of the many she would have in the years to come, and even though her heart and soul was breaking in unison, she knew that she could not hold him down. He was a free bird, and they could never be tamed. He belonged out there and she wasn’t enough to keep him.

That night they made love in silence, in passionate silence. Knowing that his assignment would take him away before twilight, so they rediscovered each other one last time. She imprinted the taste of his kisses on her tongue, etched the lines of his body in her mind, she took in the musky fragrance of his wavy brown hair as she clutched them in fury to kiss him before he ascended, in a marvel of waterfalls, all the time looking deep into her eyes. Those eyes, those big beautiful brown eyes, that’s all she saw as together they rose into furry that eclipsed the moon.

She laid her head on his chest, and listened to his heart beating, softly, in peaceful remembrance like her own, but softer more tranquil. She reminisced the times they had had. It was if her life was ending, and  flashing before her. But instead it was their relationship, the memories, one by one seeping in to mind, reminding her how happy they were, how happy she had been. She felt her face flush with emotion that she couldn’t define. Her eyes started to well up, but she bit her lip to stop them flowing. Slowly, the pain in her heart joined hands with that of physical pain she was causing her lip. She held onto him tighter, as he played with her long strands of hair that were now a tangled mess. As he combed through her long mahogany mane, he traced a line up and down her bare arm, leaving more memories, now treasures in her mind.

With a sigh, he placed a long kiss on her crown as he slid of the bed. She closed her eyes, overpowered by a feeling of her heart being torn out of her with him as he left her there, in the mass of cotton sheets that smelled sweetly of him. As she slowly opened her eyes, she couldn’t hold her tears down and through a curtain of blur she saw that he had moved onto the corner of the room. He turned around to face her direction. He was beautiful, in the moonlight that flowed through the open balcony doors. He had put on his jeans but left it unbuttoned. She closed her eyes, remembering those beautiful hipbones he possessed, the ones that intoxicated her. Reopening them, she saw that he had buttoned up his jeans was now putting on t-shirt over his head. As he started walking towards her and the bed, she raised herself as if she was magnetically attracted to him. Covering her bosom with the thin cotton sheet with her left hand she steadied herself on the bed with her right. Standing next to her on the bed, he lazzily stroked whilst her looking down into her woe-ridden brown eyes that were looking straight into his.She rested her tear stained face against his stomach as she felt queasy for some reason. But he wouldn’t allow that. He bent to her meet her at eye level, and said “I love you sweetness, don’t you forget it”! She looked at him stumped. She wanted to lash out in anger for the words he just said. How could he leave her when all he said all that. Why!

Without another glance at her, he made way to the edge of the room and picked up his suitcase. That was all he came with, and that was all he was leaving with as well. Making his way towards the east of the house, his long lean legs seemed too fast for to comprehend the time that had lapsed between the heart-wrenching words he spoke and him leaving her life forever.

She ran towards him, trailing the path he had walked on whilst clutching the thin sheet of cotton to cover her nakedness. She fumbled with the cotton, and tumbling over the carpets and against objects made to hinder her plight. By the time she got to the front door and hastily down the lawn, she saw him drive away. She stood there, in the moonlight, at 4 o’clock in disbelief. As she realisation dawned that he was truly gone, her legs gave way and she stumbled onto the dew laden grass in a mass of cotton sheets. She lay there sobbing for a while, and looked up to the starry skies in woe. A starry Sunday, one she would never forget.

It was twilight, a twinkle of light peaking, shading the skies from the distance. She sighed out loud. Slowly, she pulled the sheet tighter to her chest, almost afraid to let it loosen in case the remains of her heart lapsed in strength and stopped beating. She gathered the sheets and slowly made her way to the house. Silently, she closed the door behind her and locked it. Moving away from the door, she let the sheets fall to the ground. She silently, made way to all the windows in the house, closing the curtains and surrounding herself in darkness. She made way to her bed, that not only an hour ago, they had laid together. She pulled up a pillow and laid her face on it, softy taking in his fragrance. With that, she reminisced in the dark.

A month had gone by, she had finally moved away from the bed and onto her comfortable sofa. She recalled the last month as a waste, but cherished the times she had had with Matthew. She pondered a moment, as her heartbeat accelerated. Remembering his name, their times together always did, but now it was something more. She looked towards her feet that she had tucked under her knees, and the object that lay next to them. She wanted change, she needed it. She thought about it some more and looked at the silver sheers that gleamed in the sunlight that was pouring through her living room window. She picked them, and brought them to eye level. She lifted it closer to her head. The blades of the sheers seemed ready to take the ordeal, they certainly looked sharp.

With a long sigh, she took hold of her hair, the same long mahogany hair that she had been growing for so long. She remembered how he had adored her hair. The countless hours he would play with it, the times he would watch the light reflect on it, amazed at the colour and softness of her mane. The hair reminded her of him. He was gone. She sighed again, torn between her love for the hair and the love she had for him. She loved her hair more, but it held too many memories and she was giving them up. She looked at the sheers and set to work.

Snip.

The first chunk fell on her lap.

Snip.

The second blew away in the breeze and floated across the room.

Snip.

She cut it off, by chunks and they fell next to her and around her. She reached to feel the nape of head. She felt bare. A smile appeared upon her face, along with a twinkle. She got up, and watched her her cut mane fall off her lap. And then, with a sigh that resounded confidence she took a step forward, smiling.

12 responses

  1. Rannelee

    🙂 lovely

    August 27, 2009 at 4:06 pm

  2. so why does she cut her hair?
    you should make it more obvious, or rather more significant
    maybe draw an analogy to her hair at the beginning?
    not too bad though
    could do with some trimming, more paragraphing

    August 27, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    • Signifies change.

      I shall improve on the paragraphing. Where to trim?

      *Hugs*

      August 27, 2009 at 4:35 pm

      • try and work that significance in there
        and just skim through it fast and cut off anything that seems unnecessary

        August 27, 2009 at 5:33 pm

      • Will do 🙂 Thanks Fallen One 🙂

        August 28, 2009 at 3:14 am

  3. What did I do? 😀 This is all your genius dearie, and I loved it. Dont be so humble 😀

    … and yes, you are. 🙂

    August 27, 2009 at 5:07 pm

  4. Chavie

    I loved it!!! 🙂

    August 28, 2009 at 9:09 am

  5. Lovely!!!! =)

    August 31, 2009 at 4:58 am

  6. I just read this and it’s beautiful.. But I agree with Fallen, you have to give more prominence to the hair cutting to make the reader understand what it is exactly.

    Great job though, well done

    September 6, 2009 at 7:13 pm

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